dothackDUR
by Ashleemon
Summary: Join the .hack cast for some random and... stupid quests. Chapter Two The Boat Ride
1. The Random Adventure

**Disclaimer:** I do not own .hack. Yeah.

**.hack/DUR**

**Chapter One -** The Random Adventure of Kite, Black Rose, and Balmung!

_5:30AM_

A teenage boy sat behind his computer.

"Logging on!"

'_Welcome Kite_.'

A teenage girl with her PJ's still on sat behind her computer.

"Damn, it's too early to be up!"

'_Welcome Black Rose_.'

A guy sat.

"Hmm."

'_Welcome Balmung_.'

They all appeared in Mac Anu. Kite scratched his head, Black Rose yawned, and Balmung sighed.

"What exactly are we doing here again?" Balmung asked Kite.

"Uh... I dunno. Black Rose?"

Black Rose had fallen asleep standing up and was currently snoring.

"Nevermind." Kite sweat dropped. Balmung began to poke Black Rose with his sword. Kite looked at him.

"Uh, what are you doing?"

Balmung stopped and looked over at Kite. "Poking Black Rose."

"Why?"

He began to poke her again. "'Cause I'm bored."

"Cool! I'm gonna poke her too!" Kite began to poke Black Rose with his twin blades.

After about 10 minutes, Black Rose woke up. She saw Balmung and Kite poking her. She blinked a few times. "**WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING**!"

"Poking you." they said in unison.

"Oh. Well sto--" she began to say, but was cut off because her HP meter was at zero and she died. Balmung and Kite blinked and began to poke each other until they died. Everyone stood there in ghost form.

"Uh... this is weird."

Black Rose sighed. "I'm logging off." Her ghost body disappeared in golden rings.

Balmung lay down on the ground. "I feel sick."

Kite looked at him. "Good for you."

**END CHAPTER ONE**

_Random, eh? Please review!_


	2. The Boat Ride

**Disclaimer:** Nope. Miokiu still doesn't own .hack.

**Chapter Two** - The Boat Ride and Random Conversations

It was a beautiful day in Mac Anu. Birds were chirping, people where having cheerful conversations, and someone was drowning in the river.

Subaru and Silver Knight glided down the river in Subaru's fancy boat.

"Lalalala! Riding in my fancy boat!" Subaru sang in a high-pitched voice.

'_My God, she must be tone death..._' Silver Knight thought to himself as he stared at Subaru, who was still singing.

She sang. And sang. And sang. And sang. And sang. And sang. And sang. And sang. And sang. And sang. And sang. And sang. And sang. And sang. And sang. And sang. And sang. And sang. And sang. And sang. And sang. And sang. And sang. And sang. And sang. And sang. And sang. And sang. And sang. And sang. And sang. And sang. And sang. And sang. And sang. And sang. And sang. And sang. And sang. And sang. And sang. And sang. And sang. And sang. And sang. And sang. And sang. And sang. And sang. And sang. And sang. And sang. And sang. And sang. And sang. And sang. And sang. She sang until Silver Knight had had enough.

"GOD DAMMIT SUBARU, SHUT UP!"

She looked at him like he was crazy. "What are you talking about, Silver Knight?"

"Your singing... it's killing me..."

Subaru was paying him no heed. "Hey look, someone drowned..." she pointed down in the water where blonde hair was visible. "Betcha $2-ace that it's BT."

"You're on!" Silver Knight said, reaching down into the water. "I bet its Gardenia!" He grabbed the hair and pulled. The body came up and Subaru gasped. And Silver Knight gasped. And I gasped. And the whole world gasped.

"WTF? Sora?" Subaru shrieked in horror. "What the hell was he wearing BT's clothes and why does he have on a wig?"

Silver Knight chuckled to himself. '_Stupid baka. Didn't think he would go through with it_!'

Subaru sighed. "Oh what is my world coming too?" she said, and then looked down at the water again. "Hey, there's another person down there..."

Silver Knight put his hand back into the water and pulled the body up. Subaru laughed evilly while Silver Knight showed no emotion.

"MUHAHAHA! Mimiru is dead! Now I will have Tsukasa all to myself! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"

Silver Knight sweat dropped and jumped into the water himself. Subaru blinked. "I'm still on my fancy boat!" she sang. And sang. And sang. And sang. And sang. And sang. And sang. And sang. And sang. And sang. She sang until Tsukasa randomly came up.

"Tsukasa! Mimiru is dead! Now we can run off into the sunset and make love!"

"Subaru, there's something I need to tell you…"

"What is it my love?"

"I'm a girl."

Subaru stared at him… erm, her. Then she smiled. "That's perfectly okay!"

Tsukasa backed away from her. "I'm not a lesbian, Subaru…"

"Neither am I! I'm really a guy!"

Tsukasa stared at her… erm, him. Wait, hasn't this already happened before? "**AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!**" she ran far, far away. Very far away.

Subaru kicked at the ground. "Dammit, now I'm all alone on my fancy boat!"

"Hark!"

"Oh God…" he knew what was coming.

"Hark! She… I mean He of fair eyes! You shall not be alone, for I art here!"

"Screw you, bitch." Subaru jumped into the water and drowned. Piros stood there.

"**MUHAHAHAHA!** Now I have the boat all to myself!" and then he sailed off into the sunset.

**END CHAPTER TWO**

_I love how this chapter turned out. It was very random…_

Please review!


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